Peaceful LIFE.
Friday, August 28, 2009 summative for cardiovascular system and respiratory system is finally over.. after the horrible months of enduring the hardships of having to push myself to study.. i finally have 3 days of hols.. basically cuz it's merdeka.. and finally.. more time for myself.. and my darling piano.. but.. class resumes again on tuesday.. which means.. more to study.. more stress.. more pimples.. more fats.. more everything.. sighs.. this is the life of a medical student.. sometimes i wonder.. if this'll actually end.. if i can actually reach the end of the tunnel.. to the light.. BUT i shall not be passimistic and think positive.. hehe.. all will be fine..
two months of crazy-ness is more than enough to drive me crazy.. though it's just 2 systems.. it feels like it's a hundred.. if only human beings weren't that complicated.. both physically and mentally.. the world would be a much better place.. studying makes the days seem longer.. and lonelier.. it isn't a nice feeling.. but it's what i have to endure through if i want to achieve the goals and hopes others place on me.. i've no idea why i torture myself like that.. but i guess it's just my personality to oblige and sacrifice for others if more are happier.. i could have been the journalist or musician i always wanted to be.. though.. there are no regrets.. i just need more strength to get through this..
time is catching up.. 2009 is coming to an end.. though there were many happy sweet moments.. there are many painful hurtful ones as well.. 2008's new years eve seems so far away.. that was when we had our first exam.. and what pleasureable memories we had after.. lol.. ask zhi.. this year 2009.. most probably we'd be stuck at home.. facing the 4 walls.. and my lovely books.. after all.. EOS.. OSPE and OSCE would be so near.. more torture and hardships i have to endure.. this is my life.. and it's not easy being me..
it's been some months since i have considered and planned to do stuff for children.. i'll be teaching tuition at an orphanage tmr.. and most probably the next few coming days and weeks as UPSR is approaching.. after UPSR.. i have made it a point to have constant weekend visits.. it's not easy to keep a commitment.. sacrifice.. that's what makes ppl happy..? but i'll do it nonetheless.. it's just me.. i'm a small girl with big dreams.. i hope to accomplish the dream of having a super huge fundraising programme to raise funds for them.. or toys and clothes.. just imagine.. this orphange i'd be going to consists of 32 children.. in a small tiny house.. the whole of malaysia would have at least 300 orphanages..? do some simple maths.. 900 over kids without love or care.. as much as i want to give more.. i can't.. i'm alone.. powerless.. but i'll still do my best..
teaching tuition to students who i barely know.. or who i can barely converse with would be a great trial to me.. i never liked trials.. or difficulties.. i always want things easy going.. never changing.. but some circumstances can't be foretold.. this is one huge challenge i have to face.. and i have to win it no matter what.. it's about 32 lives.. 32 futures.. not mine alone.. i have to do it no matter how hard.. how challenging.. how tiring.. and again how sacrificial i have to be..
chocolates.. that's all i yearn for now.. it makes me happy..! i'm really really sleepy right now.. cuz i haven't been having proper sleep for the past few weeks.. thanks to exams.. and stress.. and some other stuff.. so i'm kinda bleary eyed now.. yawnnnsssss..
sometimes.. i just wish my life was a fairy tale dream.. as corny as it may seem.. i guess i don't mind being a princess.. who leaves in a castle.. with pretty flowers and gardens.. and beautiful dresses.. just awaiting for a brand new life.. a brand new excitement everyday.. it'll be so lovely.. i never fancied flowes much.. to me.. it's just a waste of money.. rather ppl keep it for themselves and buy stuff they really want.. but now i'm starting to appreciate the beauty in them.. and i everything else.. i want white roses.. (hint hint) after some things that has happened in the past.. i'm just more appreciative of life..
life briefs candle..! one of william shakespear's famous compositions.. one we studied in form 1..? life is short.. it can go off any moment.. like the candle melting away.. when the wind blows.. it might just go off.. so i shall live each day as if it were my last.. and give ppl more of what i can give.. even if it eats up my time.. or if it hurts like crazy.. giving.. haha.. i'm just stupid i guess.. dumb dumb me.. as dumb as can be..
it's weird to just cut complete contact from a once was best friend.. somehow.. it just feels like.. there's no one to listen to my frets and complaints.. or my joys and laughters.. the many things i've been going through lately.. are all kept inside.. deep deep down.. best friends are ppl we can really trust.. ppl we can totally submit to.. ppl we can share with.. ppl we can depend on to counsel us when we're down and in doubt.. someone i could just cry to without feeling embarassed.. ppl who can tell us what is right.. what is good for us.. to be happy for whatever life we live in.. but some best friends are just not who they seem to be.. some are.. a pain..?
it's time for me to bunk.. the bed is calling me.. and all the toys and my lovely companion.. blinky.. they are the ones who accompanied me through these months of studying and pure torture.. blinky needs a bath.. C= hope everything goes well with me and the kids tmr.. wish me luck in helping them find a better future.. a better life.. a better environment.. to feel loved and cared for.. peace to the whole world.. smiles for all the lovely beings out there.. zzzs for me.. i need strength and a bit of encouragement to get through the days pls..! hugs for all.. -------------------A world Of PeaCe--------------- ; {11:39 PM}
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